


Abandon Hope

by AkaneOwari



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Capture, Disfigurement, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Mental Torture, Strangulation, Suicide, Torture, god this is shitty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-11-04
Packaged: 2017-12-30 04:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaneOwari/pseuds/AkaneOwari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Bertholdt...Why?”</p>
<p>His head ducked finally at the questions; the tension in the room told him that they all wanted an answer, and he would be unable to avoid it or stay quiet. So for many long seconds, he stood silent, before peeking his chin up and giving the most forward, honest answer.</p>
<p>“Because...It's my duty.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You cannot escape

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on a whim and have decided to attempt to write a few chapters of this!
> 
> same universe as the anime/manga, other than that they've been captured and detained. future chapters will include emotional, mental and physical torture. i may swap between writing towards berthold and reiner beginning next chapter, and possibly erwin as well. 
> 
> and as a note on bertholdt and armin being close, they are confirmed to have been something of best friends. feedback/kudos/comments are wonderful if you enjoy so far! i will try to have the next update by tonight.

He had seen Annie before they led him in; see how many guarded her, how the crystal was strapped against the wall so tight. The straps were in a pulley system, so that if her crystal were melt away at some time, they could be pulled tighter on demand and keep her still. Corporal Levi haD seen him staring, seen the distress in his eyes at his comrade being so helpless, and laughed harshly. He told Bertholdt that his own restraints would be even more so than that; told him that he would never see Annie and Reiner again. When Bertholdt jerked his head around to try and look for the said latter person, Levi twisted his fist into Bertholdt's stomach as a guard held him still.

“Did you not hear me the first time? I told your sorry ass that you'd never see him again,” his voice was laced with venom, but so mocking, like he was talking down to a child. Bertholdt did not cry not, did not respond, did not look at Levi, or anyone around him. Multiple moments of silence passed until Levi told the guards to keep walking the dog forward, and they pushed the tall teenager forward, forcing him to keep moving legs weighed down by heavy shackles. 

He knew Reiner was behind him-they had both passed by Annie's holding block together. He knew that they would not be held together, because they were far too dangerous, but even so when the time came that they split off, his heart hammered in his throat; he choked out a desperate noise as Reiner screamed his name out in an animalistic way, cried openly when he was hit once more for calling Reiner's name back; but he didn't stop, and shouted for them to stop, pulling against the metal and leather that held his arms and hands bound behind him, making escape impossible, making biting his thumb impossible. 

“Pathetic. Pathetic and disgusting,” Levi gave a low growl, staring up at Bertholdt. Despite him staring up, the shifter couldn't help but feel as if he was in fact being stared down at-he shriveled under the glare, and in that moment came to realize that he was no longer free, that he would live and die here under the touch and words and pain of the unforgiving humans. There was no mercy to be held; there was no argument that could be used to try and free them.. They knew what he was, and there was no chance that they would ever forget, much less forgive. 

They trudged him forward again, and Bertholdt walked blindly, stumbling often more than he already did with the impossible chains against his bare ankles, biting into his tough skin. A soft smoke came from them as it constantly healed the breaks of skin almost automatically. 

It wasn't long until they reached his holding chamber. It wasn't even a room-he had no bed, no bathroom, nothing at all other than shackles hanging from the ceiling, the floor, the walls. Bertholdt stifled a sob; he wasn't even getting the treatment of a lowly human, no, he was but just an animal that deserved nothing of human necessities. But he said nothing about it; he did not argue, and let them shove him in, chaining him against the wall standing up. 

And then?

Then, they left him. They left him standing alone, the lights dimmed. 

They left him with his thoughts and fears, with nothing and no one, not only his life stripped away, but his dignity, as he began to scream in his ever growing terror-induced anxiety, his skin welding against the metal holdings, his face being enveloped in steam, his lungs aching with a soreness that he wanted to keep, but couldn't, his body using the pent up energy to heal all that strained. 

It wasn't until much later, hours after they had left him alone-did he even have a guard? No one had attempted to quiet him-that healing had sapped him tired to the bones, and despite standing up, his eyelids drooped and his eyes rolled back, letting him drift into a troubled and terrible sleep. 

 

He lost all sense of time after waking. They had brought them deep underground, and it was impossible to know what time of the day it was. He had long since become more than hungry and thirsty; he was too hot, his body warmed by natural heat and adrenaline alike, causing his prisoner garb to soak with sweat, his hair damp. 

He had seen no one since they brought him here; he had slept 5 times, though he knew he had slept a few times of the same day(surely, at least) but he didn't know how long each time. His legs ached from standing, and his arms had gone numb from being bound, despite the constant healing. 

Each time he dreamed, it was of Annie's face, terrified and desperate to escape. It was of Reiner, confident first in himself and his actions, and then the panic as everything crumbled around him, trying to protect himself and Bertholdt from both human and titan alike. He dreamed of their screams and their pain; he dreamed of those back home, moving on without them. He dreamed of those that used to trust him torturing them.

It was during his sixth sleep that they came back for him; alongside Levi was Commander Erwin, Hanji, Armin, Eren, and Mikasa. Levi, Commander, and Mikasa each held a deathly glare, almost making Bertholdt duck his head away in submission. He wouldn't, though- he would have to stay as strong as he could. 

Hanji, perhaps, had the most terrifying stare. She held a bag of undefined items in one hand, her stare towards Bertholdt driving into him and driving at his insides, already trying to pick him apart. But there was no love in her eyes, like she had given to the titans she had once held. There was a hatred deep-set, brimming with energy fueled by negative emotions, her hands twitching impatiently as they stared at him. Bertholdt's stomach knotted in fear at the prospect that they might leave him alone with Hanji to do with him as she pleased.

Armin and Eren looked at him with someone sort of hurt anger; something he was used to seeing in Eren, but from Armin, it was unsettling. They had grown close, had considered each other good friends that could sit in silence and read together, or help each other with favors without worry that the other would forget, or be rude about it. He had been easier talking when talking to Armin, had been intrigued by how smart he was, how good he was at figuring situations out in desperate moments. 

Armin's eyes, in the red light of the burning lamp that somehow stayed burning all this while, spoke of a deep hurt and betrayal. They also read of no forgiveness, of a tired pain from long ago. Five years ago, Armin had seen Bertholdt rise above the wall and kick the gate open that first time. The day after graduation, they had met again in a similar fashion, Bertholdt looming above the gate of Trost, unleashing yet another hell that wiped out so many of the soldiers that had only just risen above trainees. 

The small boy spoke first, leaning against the metal bars the were unnecessary to detain him with the chains already in place. His voice trembled, not with fear, but some form of disbelief. 

“Bertholdt...Why?”

His head ducked finally at the questions; the tension in the room told him that they all wanted an answer, and he would be unable to avoid it or stay quiet. So for many long seconds, he stood silent, before peeking his chin up and giving the most forward, honest answer.

“Because...It's my duty.”


	2. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I trusted you. I never expected that you and Reiner...” His voice came out in an accusing whisper, touching Bertholdt like a threatening sharped knife point. “I don't understand how you could do this. All of that time spent together, training and living...And it was you that did this...Destroyed Wall Maria..Tried to destroy the inner of Trost, where my whole squad, and almost Eren and I, died...Where Marco died, which hurt Jean so much...And Thomas and Hanna...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spit this out in like two hours oops
> 
> next chapter will be reiner, happening at the same time that armin talks to bertholdt, except he has to face hanji and levi!

“Bertholdt Fubar. Under the witness of myself and the Survey Corps, proceeding the attempted kidnapping of Christa Renz and Eren Jaeger, causing the deaths of multiple soldiers, you have been charged as an enemy of Mankind. Under agreement by the Military Police, the Scouting Legion has been given custody of Reiner Braun, Annie Leonhardt, and yourself to do with what we please to ensure the safety of Mankind, and uncover the secrets of the titans.”

Commander Erwin Smith spoke cold and matter-of-factly. His blue eyes gouged the strength from Bertholdt, his stature unyielding.

“You will find no mercy or pity. You are no man down here, Fubar. It's gift enough that you still have a name, for simplicity. I have my own matters to attend to, as why it took 3 days for us to return here. Until I am less busy to deal with you myself, I leave you under charge of Hanji, Levi, and Armin.”

Bertholdt's face glinted with touches of confusion. Armin as well? Hanji and Levi, he understood, but Armin was hardly as experienced as they were. 

He wasn't going to ask, and they weren't going to provide further information. Erwin turned, nodding to the rest of them, and began his leave, Eren and Mikasa trailing behind him. For a brief moment, Bertholdt questioned why they had come along at all, if they were going to leave; but perhaps they had merely wished to see their former friends before they were broken.

...Before they are broken. 

The was a sickening punch to the gut, knowing he had already given up. Was his will so weak that in such a short matter of time, they had drained his want to survive as quickly as draining blood from a pigs neck? He felt his body turn slack; letting the chains against him keep him upright, pinching his skin; he could not bother to try and adjust to take off the pressure. 

“Armin! Levi and I are going to check on Reiner. Stay here with Bertholdt, would you?” It wasn't a question, obviously, and the shifter knew without raising his head to watch, that Armin would have nodded with a sense of determination in his eyes. He didn't want to be left alone with Armin. Even though he knew pain would come from Levi and Hanji, that was only physical; Armin would hurt him in the mind, only just because of how hurt he was himself. 

The padding of feet against the stone floor, and then the clang of metal as Armin apparently entered the cell. Bertholdt did not look up. The clang again, as the small boy closed the door, locking it behind him. Bertholdt did not look up. Quiet steps, but not so quiet he had to strain to hear them, walking until they stood before the prisoner. Bertholdt did not look up.  
He could feel the boys cold hands brush against his shoulder. Bertholdt did not look up. did not look up. He could feel the nervous energy coming from him; he was shaking, it seemed like. Bertholdt did not look up. And then....

The tall teenager jerked forward, not by his own will, crashing onto the ground with a surprised gasp, his eyes shooting open and head twisting around to try and figure out why he had been disconnected from the chains, why he had fallen to the ground. 

It took a few moments, but it clicked: Armin had undone the chains that kept him against the walls. For a reason unknown to him, the boy had given Bertholdt the freedom to stand, sit, and walk at the will of his own; or, at least, had given no verbal instructions yet to not do so, despite being freed from the secondary holdings.

Bertholdt honestly thought the chains that kept his hands fair from mouths reach was entirely too much, as there was zero possibility of transforming underground; but no one would mind matter to that, he was sure, so he of course did not bother to try and haggle. Instead, he only sat, finally staring at the blonde boy, his eyes questioning and lacking hostility, merely wanting reason and rhyme to this show of potential kindness. 

“Bertholdt...” Armin began, “I want to talk to you some. But, first..I brought you some new clothes...You kind of reek.” 

At that, Bertholdt noticed the raging stench; how he hadn't noticed it before, he was unsure, but the three days of detainment...He had no bathroom, nor means to use it anywhere other than where he stood; in his distress and anxiety, he hadn't even noticed that he had soiled himself, and now felt a burning shame at how fucking pathetic that was, how pathetic it was that he had been left with so little power that he had to fucking piss his pants and stand in it, that he smelled vile and disgusting. It became even more so as Armin himself pulled out a knife, cutting his shirt where needed to take it off for him. He wasn't even allowed to change himself, and he had to close his eyes and look up in shame as Armin did the same to his pants.

He felt as Armin, ever so gently, cleaned his thighs and quads of dried piss, the stench reducing noticably as the smell of chemicals over took that of the unsanitary one. He was thankful, no doubt, to be treated with some sort of kindness, but he hated it as well. He hated it as Armin had to pull his own pants up for him, telling him to lift up each leg to put it on.

“I'm not going to replace your shirt...I'd have to undo your arms, too, and I can't do that. But it's warm enough down here, so you should be fine,” he reassured Bertholdt, offering a weak smile. Bertholdt only nodded, his gaze flickering away once more.

There was a long stretch of silence between the two. Bertholdt once more fell to the ground, not realizing how much his muscles hurt; so he sat crisscross, shoulders hunching forward and twisting back, stretching the muscles that had sat stiff. Armin, silent in voice, took a seat next to him, his legs pushed up to his chest, arms wrapping around them. 

Each passing second was some sort of painful, stretching into tension that wrapped around them both like ribbon; Bertholdt found himself shivering in the twist of nervous anticipation, knowing without looking, that Armin was watching him, his eyes piercing over what little will already existed. 

“I trusted you. I never expected that you and Reiner...” His voice came out in an accusing whisper, touching Bertholdt like a threatening sharped knife point. “I don't understand how you could do this. All of that time spent together, training and living...And it was you that did this...Destroyed Wall Maria..Tried to destroy the inner of Trost, where my whole squad, and almost Eren and I, died...Where Marco died, which hurt Jean so much...And Thomas and Hanna...”

The stare that Armin gave was so much that Bertholdt had no choice but to finally look up, his own eyes wide and bright now as he saw tears streaming from Armin's eyes. 

“What do you have to say, Bertholdt? Why? You can't just say it's your duty. There was to be more!” His voice rose from the hurt whisper into a demanding shout. Bertholdt only turned his head, mouth turned into only a small frown, silent.

“Answer me! You owe me an answer! Remember how many nights we spent up past curfew, whispering about our studies, techniques, being friends?! What's your excuse, Bertholdt?” His voice sounded raw from emotion, loud and accusing, words bunched together in his seeming desperation to get it across. 

Bertholdt only felt the tinge of guilt; he liked Armin, and Armin had treated him kindly, with respect, and Bertholdt could not lie that he had enjoyed talking to him. His guilt was over making Armin upset like this; not for what he had done to cause it. 

“..That's all it is, Armin. Those were my instructions...Destroy the walls...Destroy humanity...Capture Eren...” He mumbled, shifting awkwardly. “Of course I enjoyed our time together..But it doesn't change why we came here in the first place,” Bertholdt put an edge to his voice; he wanted Armin to understand what he was saying. He knew Armin wouldn't accept it whole, or be happy with it, but it was the truth that would not change. 

And he was right-Armin only watched him for a few seconds, before his face pulled into disgust. “That's it? That's all you can claim? Are you so weak-minded that you can't defend your purpose, only accept that it's what you were told to do?”

Bertholdt did not respond. He did not want to say it was true, but for some reason, could not utter that Armin was incorrect about his nature. He could feel, in the air, that Armin had accepted it as defeat, and a hard feeling settled into the air as the boy considered his next words.

“It's not too late to give up. You can tell us everything before they hurt you; you could be rewarded with a quick death, alongside Reiner. They won't have to torture you.” His words suddenly became soft, some sort of sympathy trying to squeeze into what was only seconds ago hatred and anger. “Just tell them what they want to know, and you won't have to face any shame or humiliation or pain.”

Bertholdt, at this, only smirked. It took Armin by surprise, who actually physically flinched. Finding courage again, Bertholdt looked at Armin with a sad smirk, his eyes becoming devoid of the guilt that he had once begun to feel for Armin. 

“Don't lie to me. I'm not stupid. I know that I am not here only for information; I'm a test subject. I won't find death until I give it to myself, force them to give it to me, or it happens by accident. Or until someone takes pity on me, which I know won't happen,” Bertholdt's voice turned cold, his character changing before Armin; it was much more frightening and foreboding, one that set a grim reminder that Bertholdt was a monster.

Armin only gave a quiet nod, accepting that Bertholdt had fond his lie and uncovered the attempted manipulation. It was in those few moments that Bertholdt came to realize the kindess Armin had brought was not just because of the boy's giving nature, but already the beginning of them trying to break him for information.

Minutes later passed, and Major Hanji and Corporal Levi return, standing silent as Armin rises and leaves the cell, locking Bertholdt in, but not rechaining him to the wall. They stand for another minute, arguing in low voices that the prisoner cannot make out. Many glances are thrown at him, which Bertholdt is well aware of, not turning his head away as he often had. 

And, then...They left him. 

The lamp was put out, shrouding him in complete darkness that he would not adjust to, with his soiled pants still sitting near by, arms bound. They left without a word, and he could not tell if they even looked back.

It was warm underground, and Bertholdt was only some sort of warm. But now, in the dark, he felt a cold shiver in his spine.


	3. Hear my heart beat beat beat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not missing a beat, Levi stepped in, his voice suddenly filled with a blaze of emotions, eyes giving a fiery explosion. 
> 
> “No, Braun. You are here because 5 years ago, you destroyed a gate that lead to the downfall of Wall Maria, alongside the gate destroyed by Bertholdt Fubar.” As he spoke, he was entering through the door into the cell; Hanji reached out as if to stop him, but did not. 
> 
> “You are here because thousands died under your actions.” He was behind Reiner, who was straining to twist his head and watch him, panic filling his eyes at the accusations. Levi grabbed hold of the neck chain, placing a foot upon Reiner's back, pressing down with all of his weight while tugging the chain, effectively choking Reiner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IVE NEVER WRITTEN LEVI OR HANJI AUGH IM IN PAIN
> 
> THEY WILL GET BETTER AS I WRITE THEM MORE
> 
> also??????? i wrote reiner like this because i love the idea that him being captured brings so much stress to him that he partly snaps due to the confliction of his soldier complex.

Reiner hadn't slept. Every now and then, he would struggle against his bonds, the fighting fire in his soul and body panicking and demanding movement, demanding him to lash out and attack, demanding the animal within him to strike out and hurt someone. His beady eyes were even smaller in the scene, much more black than they were brown as the pupils expanded, trying to absorb light so that he could search for some means of escape in the dim room. 

It had been so long since such a creature of aggression and angry instinct had awoken inside of Reiner; he was not even like this during the grand fight in which they had attempted to kidnap Eren. Even then, he had struggled against Warrior and Soldier, his braining fighting him over his loyalties. But here, now, forced onto the ground with his hands bound against his ankles and a chain around his neck that tightened the more he pulled, he was devastatingly reminded of his nature. 

It hurt Reiner. Even after revealing himself as being the Armored Titan, he had kept pieces of the Soldier Complex, thinking that even though he was kidnapping Eren, he was still on his side; he wanted so desperately to be on their side, the people that he had trained alongside, befriended and loved. He did not want to be the one responsible for their deaths, for their pain and fear; he wanted to take away that part of his life, make it go away, and as each memory came back and struck his mind like a new disease, the more enraged he became. 

The energy wrecking his system caused actual steam to seep from his ears, his body temperature fluctuating as each wave of panic hit him, the metal hitting heat enough to burn his skin, which it did. That pain, of course, only fueled the moments that he was consumed by his rage, searing red into his vision where it should not have been. 

He may have not slept, but he passed out more than once as his body heat and heart rate became too much for a human body to bear, his systems nearly shutting down as they had to repair themselves to keep him alive. Each time Reiner awoke, it was slowly and with confusion as he was forced to ponder where he was and why; and as each realization hit him, he went through the same cycle of confliction and rage. He worried as well for Bertholdt and Annie, and in some piece of his mind, knew that if either of them were here, he'd be much more put together and calm. 

Here, he was alone, and there was no one to engage either of his Warrior or Soldier complex. Here, he was left alone with his mind, and he could only think and think and think, remember what he had done, followed not soon enough by remembering why; and then, for a few minutes, he'd have peace at knowing his goal alongside the other two Warriors, but then-- 

Then, he would remember everyone he had killed, those he befriended in 104, how he hurt them and ruined their lives and killed hundreds of thousands. He'd panic in guilt, and eventually in this panic, forget that he is a Warrior; he'd slip into an hour of feeling like the victim, believing he was unfairly accused of crime, beyond hurt of being treated like how he was. 

It was a hopeless, pathetic circle. 

Reiner Braun had shattered his own mind, and nearly destroyed his opposing identities. 

When Hanji and Levi show up, he is unknowingly straining on the neck choke, his face red from both heat and restraint of air. Despite being mostly unable to breath, he was whispering under his breath rapidly, every single word incoherent. 

Levi swung his boot forward, the boot hitting a single metal bar, a dull noise rising with a puff of dust. At that, Reiner's head shot up, his eyes bloodshot and crazed, his initial reaction to try and lunge forward, letting out a pained cry as the chains crushed his neck. The piercing pain was enough to snap him into senses, and after a few moments of back up to create slack, breathing heavily, he was able to recognize who stood before him. 

His mouth pulled into a lopsided grin, trying to straighten his back to look at them with more dignity. Hanji watched with wide interest, both of her hands now wrapped around the metal bars to peer in, Levi staring with something of disgust. 

“Corpal Levi! Major Hanji!” His voice was hoarse, and so he coughed, trying to get it to sound proper. “You've both come to inform of the mistake in the charges against me, correct?” He questioned, letting out a relieved laugh. “It's about time! I've felt like I've been in here forever!” 

The two higher ups exchanged a look, before Hanji turned back to Reiner, her head tilted. 

“Braun...Why do you believe you are here?” She asked. Reiner blinked, his mind taking a few moments to provide an answer. 

“...I was accused of trying to steal something,” he finally responded. 

Not missing a beat, Levi stepped in, his voice suddenly filled with a blaze of emotions, eyes giving a fiery explosion. 

“No, Braun. You are here because 5 years ago, you destroyed a gate that lead to the downfall of Wall Maria, alongside the gate destroyed by Bertholdt Fubar.” As he spoke, he was entering through the door into the cell; Hanji reached out as if to stop him, but did not. 

“You are here because thousands died under your actions.” He was behind Reiner, who was straining to twist his head and watch him, panic filling his eyes at the accusations. Levi grabbed hold of the neck chain, placing a foot upon Reiner's back, pressing down with all of his weight while tugging the chain, effectively choking Reiner. 

“You are here because you tried to kidnap Eren Jaeger and Christa Renz.” He gave a tug so hard that Reiners neck snapped backward, nearly breaking it. He let go, Reiner gasping immediately for air, and came around to his side, swinging his foot into the bulking teen's side. 

“You are a coward and trash. You went under guise as a Soldier, but you are horseshit. You pretended to befriend those you trained with, and then killed them.” Every few words were emphasized by a kick into his side, sickening noises coming from under his boot as ribs snapped. 

“You are nothing but a dumb fucking shit, and while you are here-which will be forever-you will be treated as such.” He came along to in front of Reiner, curling a fist into his hair, punching him repeatedly against his nose. 

“You presented yourself as an incredible Soldier, strong in will and heart, but now, look at you. You are a weak, sniveling child now, losing your mind and manner and dignity; you are nothing special. Just as fucking weak as a regular titan. As weak as a cowardly human. Don't even dare to look me in the eyes, dogshit. Don't talk to me. I'd tell you to just stop fucking existing, but Hanji needs you."

Levi practically spat at Reiner, driving his knee up against his broad jaw, each time ramming it with more force as the bones shattered, blood spurting from his mouth, teeth crumbling to the floor, Reiner gagging as blood slipped down his throat. By the time Levi stepped back, his face was deformed and bruised and bloody; Levi was breathing heavily, his face cast into a dark look, staring without remorse at his piece of art, hunched over and gasping for air in it's unconscious form. 

".....Levi. Was that necessary? It may take him a few days to heal now, and--"

"Yes, it was necessary. And I don't care. I want to leave, now. He smells like shit and piss, I'll throw up if I have to stay near him any longer." His voice had sunk back into it's usual tone, low and rather emotionless, though it held a tight edge of venom, a cobra ready to strike again if needed.

Hanji, surveying him with a a more concerned than angry expression, let loose a sigh and hung her head in agreement defeat. "Alright, then. Let's go fetch Bertholdt. We will need to come back tomorrow to least least feed them, though. As we know from Eren, the shifters still need to consume energy when at least in their--"

"I know, Hanji. I don't feel like being lectured in what you've told me a million times over against my will, right now," he sighed out, strolling past her towards the wing that held Bertholdt and Armin. Normally, Hanji would have pressed her luck and kept talking, but a glance at the mess that he had made of Reiner held her back from pushing his emotions anymore. As cold as everyone believed him to be...Levi felt more than they could ever imagine; next to Commander Erwin, perhaps, he held the most emotions that were held back, repressed and compacted into a box of guilt that struck each time he saw a soldiers face, each time he was a grave, each time his mind was left alone.

Or, did he? Hanji wasn't positive on this, oh, no. She was only interested in the titan mind, in any case; dissecting a humans mind, or the mind of Levi, was a task she'd leave to someone else. 

That could never stop her from being curious, though...She knows that sometimes, to discover new things, you must unravel secrets of others. Everything is connected in some way, right?

...No, that's dumb. Levi may fight like a king beast, but he is no monster; not like the one kneeling on the stone floor, ankles and wrists tied together, neck in a choke, beaten bloody and part way to death if he were anything human. That seemingly helpless creature would be more of a monster than anything else.


	4. Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was too much going on: Removing Annie of her crystal, preparing the method of approach to spin information out of Reiner and Bertholdt, trying to figure out what the hell Ymir was about, exactly, from her side to her underlying motive and abilities of a titan, the titans in the wall, what would happen to Eren next...

An entire week had passed by. 

Hanji had managed to convince Levi and Erwin to allowed Bertholdt more use of his hands, so that they didn't need to keep supplying him fresh clothes as he soiled himself; in the end, it was agreed that they'd do so not for the sake of his comfort, but for the sake of saving resources that they couldn't afford to waste. 

There was worry, despite Bertholdt's own unwillingness to try and transform, which he expressed to Armin when the smaller boy had brought him food, that he'd attempt something with his nature that they were unaware he cold do. So his hands and legs were freed, but a black metal mask that could only be removed by key was placed over his mouth. It wrapped around his chin, part of the jaw, and part of his nose, right under his eyes; it was uncomfortable, and left marks in his skin when they removed it so he could eat, but it was the only compromise they could agree on.

They would not lose this prisoner. 

Bertholdt had a visual change in his degree of cooperation upon being let the small freedom that he was given; the true interrogation had not begun, but he no longer flat-out ignored the majority of their attempted interactions, as they attempted to gauge where to begin. Hanji was certain, she told Levi, that the nicer they treated this particular prisoner, the more he may respond. Though Armin reported that his first attempt to mess with his head went unsuccessful and noticed, they may be able to do it over time.

Levi wasn't thrilled by this, but he agreed to it. He had let the brute of the anger out on Reiner, who had healed completely after a day and a half. Along with mended bones, he grew a cold, steely look in his beady brown eyes. He had remained silent ever since waking from having passed out at the wrath of the Corporal. While he was still healing, they had managed to force feed him, but after such, he had not consumed anything, asides from water forced down his throat. 

The concern of him being as unrestrained as Bertholdt that he may hurt someone or himself was too high, leaving him kept in the same position he had begun in. He slept, now; when he was not staring blankly towards the ground, he was sleeping; or perhaps he merely closed his eyes and pretended to, though whichever it is was an uncertainty, but not one of immediate concern. 

Erwin, despite having lost his arm, was given no time to recover, nor did he seem to need one. The full swing of the trouble he was in for everything was coming in as things pulled together, everyone letting themselves fall in some sort of fucked up ease that the seemingly main enemy were left without power and in hold that would eventually uncover vital information. 

He was at risk of losing his position; the Military Police kept switching between their desire of him keeping his position and being let off, and even possibly named an enemy of Mankind due to questionable actions. But no one could argue that despite how terrible his choices seemed, they had all led to the capture of four shifters: Reiner, Bertholdt, Annie and Ymir. This was, without doubt, the most progress they had made ever since Eren aided in the recapture of Trost. 

They didn't want to remove Erwin of his power, because that would mean putting someone new within the Corps into a powerful position. They briefly discussed bringing in someone from the MP into power, but quick interview revealed that not a single one of them were willing to switch branches, even if temporary; each were convinced that such a thing would mean sure death, no matter the events.

There was too much going on: Removing Annie of her crystal, preparing the method of approach to spin information out of Reiner and Bertholdt, trying to figure out what the hell Ymir was about, exactly, from her side to her underlying motive and abilities of a titan, the titans in the wall, what would happen to Eren next...

So much more, and surely more to pile on as each task was completed, making more work and worry. It was anything but a simple situation, and would not be completed in a timely fashion. On top of it all, the public needed to be kept from panic, which had already begun to exist and grow as even the safe-minded civilians of Wall Sina sensed something was majorly off, their on concern and restless growing in the struggle of trying to decide whether they wanted to know what was happening, or if they wished to remain ignorant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a really short, rather actionless update to establish plot. at this point, what i expected to be a rather small piece of work had gained the ability to turn into something longer, and i've even got an end in mind if the proper build up is achieved. 
> 
> at this point, consider this an 'if' AU. i might include noncanon information that hasnt been revealed yet to close plot points?????????? WHO KNOWS
> 
> anyway, comment if you want me to focus on someone specific in the next chapter, otherwise i'm going to merge into a kind of ymir and annie arc :U


	5. Nothing to hide behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right before she would have given in and looked away, Hanji broke the building tension with a smile that gave proof of her decision to not be offended at Ymir’s interruption. Her hands folded, eyes glinting in what should have been considered a friendly gesture, but a shiver went up the shifter’s spine; she only felt malice in those eyes, towards her. She was not with a friend, here; not a friend nor acquaintance, nor was she quite the enemy. She was dangerous and willing to do what it would take to learn whatever Ymir had to teach her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you DeathSamus for wonderful ideas that i'm very eager to apply, coming up!
> 
> with hanji in this chapter, i aimed to pin the whole 'yeah she's super childish but she's scary as FUCK' attitude, as well as build onto what i believe about ymir's character, which i hope to build onto with how antisocial and terrible she is with complying to others, which may as well be her downfall
> 
> sorry about the incredibly out of place awkward ending! there's no question that introductions and endings are my weak point
> 
> anyway, drop a comment if you want to see something particular about annies appearance next chapter, or if you have advice and critique! <3

“I’ve got so much to ask you and talk to you about! This is going to take days, I’m sure of it~! The questions are endless, I don’t even know where I would begin, honestly! There’s so much that you can tell me—“

“Maybe if you stopped rambling your ass off and asked me something, you would save yourself a fuckin’ day or two,” Ymir interrupted Hanji, her eyes narrowed in some type of seemingly genuine boredom, though the observing squad leader Hanji Zoe had a hard time believing that she could stay so calm during a time like now. Though her voice had a snap to it, her expression was anything equal of apathetic or more than so. 

A few seconds ticked by, Ymir’s disguised anxiety threatening to tear the façade of apathy down the longer she held her stare with the silent Hanji; it was not often so that the snarky girl found herself slipping confidence against anyone, even if they held such power above her head. She always found strength in a headfirst dive-one without looking at where she was diving-at issues and conflict, but here, in this moment and this hold by the Major, she could not move. She could not hide what she did not want to say with sarcasm and fists, but was forced to use words. 

Right before she would have given in and looked away, Hanji broke the building tension with a smile that gave proof of her decision to not be offended at Ymir’s interruption. Her hands folded, eyes glinting in what should have been considered a friendly gesture, but a shiver went up the shifter’s spine; she only felt malice in those eyes, towards her. She was not with a friend, here; not a friend nor acquaintance, nor was she quite the enemy. She was dangerous and willing to do what it would take to learn whatever Ymir had to teach her.

“Alright, then. If you’re as eager as I am, then let’s begin!” Her head leaned forward, clasped hands raising to meet her chin and rest upon them, her shoulders taking an oddly relaxed droop forward. Ymir seemed caught off guard for a few mere moments, before her gaze hardened and she only responded with the slightest of a nod and barely audible grunt. This seemed to satisfy Hanji enough as a go to begin questioning her, though it was still easily clear that Hanji would have proceeded, Ymir being willing or not to respond.

“I suppose this would be the most appropriate question to begin with, as much as I feel I’d rather ask…But it may be the most important, considering how and who we captured you,” Hanji began, her voice eerie and low in thought. “Which side do you fight for, Ymir? Which side would you die and fall for? Does your heart belong to humanity, or do you pose a threat to the existence of mankind?”   
Much to the surprise and amusement to Hanji, Ymir let out a scoff, her eyebrows knitting together in her own apparent amusement to the question. Her hands, tied and trapped underneath leather holds, wrists kept together by regular handcuffs, made move to attempt to shift position, stopped by the restraints. Ymir let annoyance flash in her eyes, deciding she’d have to make do with flexing her shoulders, stretching. 

There have been many points in Ymir’s life where she would have been much better off responding how someone wanted her to; by picking the easy route, keeping things simple. Had she told Hanji she was sided with humanity, things would have gone easier on her without doubt. But that would have been a complete lie; it didn’t matter to Ymir, at that moment, that she could easily put her life at stake by misspeaking, only that she let Hanji know just what kind of person she exactly was.

“Those answers are pretty narrow-minded. There are more sides than just those two,” she sighed out, her voice a lazy scold. 

“And how do you figure that?” Retorted Hanji, not missing a beat when Ymir had anticipated visible frustration at the refusal to give direct answer.

“I mean that I fight for myself. I don’t give a shit about humanity or the titans survival. So long as I get what I want, and everyone stays out of the way, I’m not with anyone,” Ymir responded, a type of childish anger bubbling through her words. 

Hanji smirks, lightly, the left side of her mouth twitching up in bare movement. “So you’re suggesting that under certain terms, you’d be forced to pick a side?” 

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Then you didn’t answer me. I’m sure under the terms of this moment, you’d be forced to pick a side. You can’t be your own in this particular set-up, I’m sure you’ve discovered. That leaves you with with the two narrow-minded options I presented to begin with; now, you’re wasting time with extra words and explanations that don’t apply.”

Ymir’s eyes narrowed, pausing in surprise at such a comeback. She leaned back against the wooden chair that was presented for her to sit comfortably, arching her shoulders back to give herself a confident demeanor. “…I don’t think you can just dismiss my personal side here. You’re making it to be so simple when—“  
“I disregard it because right now, you only have two options, Ymir. Respond honestly and within a reasonable time to my questions regarding your nature and the secret of the titans, and you are sided with humanity. Refuse to answer, and you are the enemy, a threat to mankind and our survival. Any attempt to hide information that I deem vital is considered resistance and will be treated as so. No matter which you pick, the information will be gained from you; it’s just a matter of how seriously you consider your freedom and happiness.” Each sentence was a cold slice, cutting away the façade that held Ymir in place; she was stripped of whatever faux confidence she attempted to put in place to unnerve Hanji from pure spite.¬¬

After pausing to gauge Ymir’s reaction, Hanji kept talking. 

“I understand that you view everything as a third party on instinct, and that you are not lying to me about being your own side. So, it should only be fair for me to reword my original question a little bit to help you understand what I’m really asking.” One hand unclasped itself from underneath her chin, reaching forward in a lazy point at Ymir. “Which side, at this moment, will you pledge your alliance to? Please do note that while you can betray us later on by picking humanity, that if you claim enemy, you will never again be treated as a human of our standards. Same goes if you choose to betray mankind.”

Her eyes were bright, unforgiving beacons that suddenly seemed to hold the ability to unleash the whole of mankind's contempt for the creatures that stole their lives. It was not the sort to say that she had already come to a personal conclusion to not trust Ymir, but that she was ready to through away any sort of respect and moral values to deal with her should she have tongue enough to claim the side of titans.

“So which will it be?”

Not even an entire second had passed for Ymir to respond before the door to the interrogation room burst open, the noise of it smashing against the stone wall easily enough to bring you to conclusion that you’d find a very angry or distressed man behind the source of the doors rude opening; but glance showed that it was none other than Levi, his body looking frozen in place, his face cast with a shadow that was all the emotion Hanji needed to see to understand something had happened. She stood up, her focus dropping from the shifter seated on the other end of the table and switching to the Corporal, attention drawn to listen without needing to ask.

“Annie is emerging from the crystal.” His voice was clear, even, and emotionless. It did not break or waver on any syllable, nor did his tone suggest underlying emotion to the context he provided. 

It was all Hanji needed to hear to know that he was experiencing pain and rage. He was in agony; he was wrought with anguish. As much as her capture meant to Hanji, it was moreso intense to him, more of a trial of his grievance than it would ever be to the Major.

“…I’ll send guards to collect Ymir and put her into her cell,” Hanji replied, needing to say no more that she would of course come along. 

In the first section of the holding cells, the north district, groups of more soldiers gathered to prepare for when she would break away from the cloudy-clear substance keeping her from the true capture of humanity. The moment they had bonds against her skin, she would be theirs. As much as she had evaded a direct downfall, it had only delayed the inevitable; with each crack that appeared over the surface containing the Warrior’s body, she came closer to defeat and demise.


	6. Please Wait for the Game to Save before Shutting Down the Console

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He smiled as if he was not where he was. He smiled as if the sun shone onto him, giving him light and happiness, telling him that there was no reason to worry. The tears that rolled down his cheeks were comfortably warm, something of a gracious act of relief. His voice was low, words shattered by the stress of a million men, but laced like spice was the undeniable sense of security that he lacked even as guise of a soldier. 
> 
> “I...Will be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once more, special thanks to the dedicated reader DeathSamus! DS has provided a lot of help and ideas, of which some i incorporated into this chapter, and will be used eventually without doubt in the future.
> 
> <3 thank you to everyone that has been reading so far <3

When the last layer of crystal shattered from her frozen form, tumbling to the ground where it seemed to disintegrate before hitting the ground, Levi’s hand was against her chest and forcing her directly on the wall before the other soldiers had a chance to pull the straps to put her in place. As they finally got enough sense to do so, he was centimeters from her own face, head tilted as he had to barely look down to meet her opening, startled eyes. As they finally got the locks into place, the Commander arrived on scene, breathing heavily, placing his only hand on Levi’s shoulder in a silent gesture to keep the Corporal from losing it in that instant. 

A heavy silence was drawn over the situation, everyone’s eyes intent on watching the wordless exchange of hatred and fear moving from the eyes of Annie and Levi. His own stare was not vivid, the same way it had been when he found himself beating Reiner senseless; they had lost the bright luster that had been present in watching the cowardly shell shatter in shimmering bursts of chipping itself away. 

All that his gaze was, was a dead stare. Dead eyes that looked into scared ones; like a cat caught on the table with the main course between it’s jaws after it had thought it’d be safe. 

Ever so slowly, the Corporal’s face grew into a smirk, his fist curling painful above her collarbones. 

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Everyone in the room flinched inwardly; dread knotted in their stomachs as one could only image what kind of pain and horror would be inflicted upon Annie, only thankful for not being the one in her position; and as terrible as they could imagine how it would be, there was no pity felt upon Annie herself. Not a single soldier could say, even to themselves, that she didn’t deserve any of it, or that Levi was being too dramatic. 

The Corporal’s squad had fallen to the skinless beast of her offensive form. They were all people that ranked, right up under the Commander, as being the most trusted and worthy of his direct commands; all of those that he knew willing to die under his orders. And without second though, the girl that was shorter than him, younger than him, had had the guts to pluck away the gems around prince emerald. 

He had not had the time to grieve for his loses; nor did he want the time, for his squad would not have wanted him to find such despair when there was still too much to be lost. No squad, he knew, would make up for the perfection of imperfections that had been his previous team. 

Annie did not respond verbally, her mouth gaped slightly open as she inhaled and exhaled, ice blue eyes quivering in wonderment of his wrath. Another stretch of painful silence began to fall over, everyone tense as they waited, expecting another outburst from the small man. But it did not come, immediately. Instead, Levi lifted his hand from Leonhardt's chest, and turned to face Commander Erwin, his eyes turning downcast as if expecting scold. The scold did not come, but instead a comforting squeeze of his shoulder. 

The Commander stepped forward, his turn to greet Annie. Her eyes strayed away from his face-much harder to look up and see, from how tall and close he was-and landed on the stump of where his arm had used to be. He followed her gaze without having to look at his own arm, and let himself bend down slightly, speaking in a quiet tone that carried easily through the mass of silent peers.

“I forgot you wouldn't know that I had lost my arm. Or, more accurately, how I lost it,” he began, pausing to see if she'd have a response. He knew she wouldn't, but the gesture still put her off-she was disoriented and confused, obviously trying to gain her bearings from her slightly over a week-long slumber, completely at any loss of how or what to say; how or what to do.

“I lost it while fighting your comrades. Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Fubar.” This registered immediate response, Annie suddenly straining against the straps that kept her tightly pinned against the walls, eyes flashing with alarm. “They had kidnapped Eren, after revealing themselves foolishly,” the Commander kept talking, his voice even and cool, as if recounting a story without particular meaning. 

“Asides from fighting Reiner in his titan form, we were swarmed by the unintelligent variations of titans...Though, undermining the abilities of the Scouting Legion was enough of a move to make me question if you three are stupidly brave, or just as senseless as the rest of the beasts.”

Annie jumped in, finally gaining to ability to talk-her voice was unlike it had ever been, not dismissive and bored, nor controlling and calm. “Where are they? Where are Bertholdt and Reiner,” she demanded, sounding out of breath and strained. This merited a smile from Erwin, who twisted his head to look back at Hanji and Levi; nodding as he noticed Armin, and even Eren and Mikasa had made appearance once more to greet Annie into her new life. 

“What do you say? Should we take Annie to see her old friends, for one last time?” He inquired with a thoughtful voice. He was already making move to restrain her so that the straps could beremoved, and her taken to be walked to the other cells, when Mikasa suddenly darted forward, finding herself in front of Commander Erwin, facing the prisoner. Their eyes met, and the fear surrounding Annie mixed like a bitter cocktail of hatred and resentment. 

“Leonhardt,” she mused, eyeing her up and down curiously. “The higher up they are...The harder they fall.”

It took self-control, which Annie owned but was having trouble harnessing in such a despairing moment, to not spit out the retort of what's that supposed to mean. She knew very well what it meant, recalling her last moments before Mikasa caused her to fall from the wall, effectively bringing closure to an attempted escape. It had caused her to fall in more than one ways: from the wall and to the ground before it, and her mission. 

Met with no response, Mikasa made her leave to allow Erwin to continue, accepting victory with no cheer but the smug air around her. 

 

….............................................................................

 

“Annie--?!” 

“Bertholdt!”

There was no attempt to disguise, anymore, their connections and relations of identity. Bertholdt, left with his ability to walk, threw himself against the bars of his cage, eyes wide as he took in the sight of her suddenly frail-seeming stature, hands bound and legs shackled together. She had been forced to strip and put on prisoner garb, sleeveless attire that showed bulging muscle, frame somehow still weak still in the muck lights. Perhaps it wasn't her body that seemed weak, but the defeat that whispered from her pores, the acceptance that down here, she was stuck, powerless.

“You're not in the crystal anymore....” He mused, his voice dripping with depressed disappointment. She only glanced down, agreeing silently that she, too, regretted her inability to remain trapped and safe. The terror of being caught herself was one thing; knowing she had failed, in the worst case personal scenario...But for the other two to be caught, she was twisting with dread and regret.

It wasn't the same form of regret that she knew had gotten to Bertholdt and Reiner-they regretted their actions and missions in some form, had begun to convince themselves that they, too, were human like the rest. Reiner moreso than Bertholdt, whom she had often reminded of why they were there, who they were, what they were. Bertholdt remembered all too well, and needed no reminders of his nature, but the confliction was obvious when he felt it. The prompting it had taken to push him into action when it was time to destroy the wall into Trost...Was disgusting.

They didn't allow Annie to move forward to meet Bertholdt, but stayed silent so that they could talk. Remained silent so that they could observe, already keying in to gather as much intel as possible. 

“Annie...Are you alright?” He whispered, and now Annie noticed, barely through the light, the beads sweeping down his face were not sweat, but tears, his voice cracking with emotion and fear. She could not lie to him; she would not, not to spare his worried heart, not to ease his mind, not to let him sleep any easier when he grew too weary. She would not lie for him.

But she would to herself.

“...I'm fine. Disoriented. But fine. Unhurt.” She assured quietly, talking to herself more than she was him; if she said it to him, he would pick out how much of a lie it was-though the claim was already so absurd that he knew it was false, but didn't point out the contradictions. It was better, he thought so, for her to try to trick herself into confidence. 

Eren and Mikasa had taken their leave, for the fear that their showing up would cause too much riot in the prisoners. Armin, though, already being granted permission to see the shifters daily to aid with their detainment, kept along, under the orders of deciphering anything should code be used, as they feared may be. And it was for the better, without doubt, the female already on too much edge with the amount of guards watching her every move.

“What about you, Bertholdt?” She asked back, the question seeming out of character, not usual to her common nature of pushing others away. But it was a gesture that healed some weakening spectre of Bertholdt's psyche, that had been left feeling alone, without anyone to question his wellbeing. He had begun to feel abandoned, believing now that he would really never see Reiner, never feel the sun shine onto him, never hear genuine care spoken to him. So the voice of the girl that he had wanted to grow close to, wanted to know more than anyone, spoke words of care that seeped with careful truth, healed him. 

He smiled as if he was not where he was. He smiled as if the sun shone onto him, giving him light and happiness, telling him that there was no reason to worry. The tears that rolled down his cheeks were comfortably warm, something of a gracious act of relief. His voice was low, words shattered by the stress of a million men, but laced like spice was the undeniable sense of security that he lacked even as guise of a soldier. 

“I...Will be fine.”

Now, it was Annie's turn to swallow the unforgiving ties of distress, her own lie having not been enough to settle her turning stomach. Her shoulders slaunched forward, not smiling or crying like her comrade, but lifted the weight of a thousand pounds that had weighed her down, keeping her in reality. For those few moments, Annie Leonhardt believed that everything would be okay; everything would be okay, and the future would not be as bad as she kept trying to make it out to be. That, one day, she would be reunited once more by her side, by Reiner's side, and even the ghost of Berik that had long ago abandoned them in favor for whatever utopia or torture death had to offer.

But, Annie had allowed herself to be taken to Bertholdt with a certain message in mind to remind him of, for the two had always needed some sort of push of any kind to fall through with what needed to happen, what they were. She could feel the guards already growing bored and restless of the suddenly seeming pointless visit, and knew she could not spare anymore time with her head in the clouds. 

“Bertholdt,” she began, “It isn't over yet.” 

This caught the attention of the Commander, Corporal, and Major, and all of the rest. The shift in tone and context was more than enough to know that she was going to speak of something vital, and Annie felt the pressure change as all ears keyed in somehow more than they already were.

“The mission doesn't end here, remember?” She spoke slowly, trying to prod his memory, watching with a clutch of disappointment as his face twisted in confusion, eyebrows knitting together. 

“We fight, until our last breath, as Warriors. Until we die, it isn't over. How humiliating is it that we are kept as weak captives?”

It finally registered, as she noted by the quick intake of his breath, the stiffening of his body, hands falling from the bars and clenching at his sides. He understood, and his was not happy. But he understood, and that was enough reminder. No amount of guilt for his actions would ever merit forgiveness, he finally realized; no forgiveness would even come if he revealed the information they sought. Until their very last breath, the mission would stay resumed, in automatic effect of the new goal that their capture demanded.

Until the trio sought out their own deaths, they were fighting a losing battle.

The only card left to play was suicide.

“...I will not falter.” His voice, in that moment, was strong. It stayed steady-quiet, but steady-and left promise to Annie. She nodded, and if close enough care to look was taken, a silent stream of tears had begun and ended within seconds, left to sit their with no hand to wipe it away.

“Wrap it up, loveshits, I've got things to do and places to go,” Levi suddenly growled, shocking the two back into place. Bertholdt's face fell, and he desperately looked at Annie in question if there would be way for the two to keep together. 

But of course, their was none.

“You'll never see each other again, so make the goodbyes quick and sweet.” There was no hint of actual care in the advice.

“...So long, Bertholdt. It's been one hell of a mission.”

Bertholdt had turned away, the healing wound of his mind splitting and bleeding.

“...So long, Annie. I'll see you in Hell.”

There was no more talk, and Bertholdt, without looking, heard the rough jangle of chains over the floor as they forced Annie forward, leading her away. He didn't move nor speak until many minutes had surely passed, without the will to even wipe away the tears. He had wanted to say one last thing to her; had wanted to toss out one last thing, before he'd never see her again.

But, it was too late. 

Even still, he whispered it to the dark cell, which devoured his secret without the promise of keeping it, against him as everything was.

“I love you, Annie.”

….....................................................................

 

One look at him, and Annie felt no pity. 

All she could muster at his leaning frame, eyes dull and face slack, was disgust. 

But still, she felt the sweeping sadness, knowing that the boy who stood strong and confident and proud 5 years ago had turned into a helpless man, which turned to a vegetable. She stood, silently watching him as he looked back, with eyes that didn't register her memory. 

So easily, she could have predicted the deterioration of his mind, but to actually see it...Her head hung, and she sighed. Trying to make him remember might be dangerous, but him being a dangerous, thrashing machine was better than an unresponsive deadbeat idiot.

“Reiner Braun.”

He did not move; he did not flicker.

“It's me. Annie.” 

His body only shifted with each breath; back, forward. Back, forward. 

“You are not helpless. You are not weak. You are not a Soldier.”

Did his mouth tug down, or was that her imagination?

“You are a Warrior.”

He looked like a dreaming man, suddenly. His face twitched slightly, and he gulped, like a child stirring from whatever may come of his slumbers. Everyone surveying shifted uneasily, aware that her words were going to submit some kind of change. 

“Your name is Reiner Braun. You are the Armored Titan. You destroyed the gate that let titans flood the home of Humanity. You are a Warrior. You will die a Warrior; not a prisoner.”

The words didn't seem like much in themselves, but the strength in Annie's voice demanded and captured his attention on the level it could currently take. As if waking from the dream he had forced himself into, his eyes turned up, searching to see if the source of the words would truly be there, real.

“Your name is Reiner Braun. You are the Armored Titan. You destroyed the gate that let the titans flood the home of Humanity. You are a Warrior. You will die a Warrior; not a prisoner.”

It was like magic had touched him: He stirred, sat up, and stared silently into her eyes that fed the mana of will back into the empty shell of his armor. He did not reply, did not need to. He did not otherwise respond other than the flickering renewal of fire that lit his eyes. 

It was all Annie needed to understood, and to be ready to leave. Her head turned to gaze up at the Commander-bypassing Levi's own stare-and nod in an impatient demand to already leave. His brows quirked in question that this meeting had taken so much less longer, but seemed to yet convey more message than spoken; but he did not deny the demand, grunting at the others to make move to return her to her cell, where she would be given more traditional bonds to keep her still, the original straps only so to catch her as she woke.

They marched her along, hands roughly placed on her shoulders, a sword to her back, and Annie had no doubt that if they had actually, truly lost...

Then there would have been no need to keep her under such lock and key.

And as they marched, she smiled to herself, unsettlingly content. Levi took immediate note of her expression, and with a sour tongue, strolling beside her but not with her, spat out, “Of the three of you shitheads, you're the worst.”


	7. One minute I held the the key, next the walls were closed on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “...I don't feel like talking anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will focus on reiner and annie!
> 
> fun fact: never once have i read over one of these after writing it. i dont think ive gone back and reread most of this, either, though there are a few factual mistakes i know of that are yet to be fixed. i really don't care for the most part, since i'm writing this for me more than i am readers, but still thank you to everyone who keeps up with this <3
> 
> the title is from the song viva la vida by coldplay
> 
> _One minute I held the key_   
> _Next the walls were closed on me_   
> _And I discovered that my castles stand_   
> _Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand_

“Humanity, of course.” 

“Of course.”

There had been no need for Hanji to return Ymir to the interrogation room when their current discussion had come so near to closure. Without doubt and unquestioned, there was so much more for them to meet over, but slightly more important things demanded her attention; she'd be back either by hours or the next day to return to this.

Ymir, granted to walk around as Bertholdt was, with a similar mask tightened around her face, stretched out partly over the ground and against the wall. With lazy brown eyes, she eyed the scientist, looking for signs of how far the trust to her claim would go. It earned Ymir a curious smile, a slight hum and the tilt of her head. 

“Alright, then. You'll have to keep the few restraints-I'm sure you understand-but you'll be upgraded to a cell with a bed and a squat hole. Unless, of course, you decide to turn on you word, and that'd be just a shame.” The offered smile wasn't such an innocent one, in terms of how innocent smiles should make you feel safe. This one was more or less a warning; a reminder that just because Ymir claimed to be of the innocent, that not everyone would immediately come to trust her, nor would she be treated completely human. 

“Sweeeeeeeet. Count on me to keep my word,” she assured, yawning in yet another show of near lack of attention. “When do I get to move out? I want a nap.”

“I'll send someone on my way out to gather and move you,” the scientist reassured her. “Meanwhile, I need to go check on some other things.” 

With that, she parted from Ymir before there could be chance of any other spawned conversation, hurriedly informing Ymir's guard to move her as planned, as well as to spread word to the other guards and higher ups of what she claimed her alliance was. With that under way, Hanji had more time to focus on her other toys.

…............................................................................

“I don't feel like talking,” Bertholdt growled from a corner of his cell, where he had been found with his knees pulled to his chest, and his back against the stone. His long arms had wrapped around the curled legs, making him look like an awkward child, too big and lanky. 

“It doesn't matter if you feel like it or not,” Hanji scolded, an odd playful chipper swaying her tone. She herself had entered the cell, though kept her distance, resting on her knees on the floor to watch him. He glared through one eye, his bad mood radiating off of him like poison. It hadn't been that long since Annie had come to visit him, which she had no doubt was the source of his irritation.

“Yes, it does. If I don't feel like talking, then I won't,” his retort came out sour and haughty. 

“If you don't talk, I'll make you talk.” It was stated matter-of-factly, and Bertholdt knew that she wasn't bluffing; though the threat only brought on an added wave of distress, causing him to curl into the corner further, this time not responding at all. He couldn't help, at this moment, but remember what Annie was telling him to do; that to escape from this, to beat them in some way, he would have to kill himself. Surely, such an option would be so much better than having pain inflicted by others, as well, but...Could he do it?

Or, maybe he would just endure a life of pain...They could easily beat him to death and let him heal, repeat, repeat, repeat until he gave in. Bertholdt liked to think that he wouldn't give in so easily, but he knew that any man had a certain breaking point. Any other escape was an impossible prospect; he could no longer dream of walking free, without worry.

But he didn't need to think about that. It really did seem that the only other option here was suicide; the only way to complete the mission. If they couldn't destroy humanity by their own hands, they could at least delay humanities steps forward, bring them back much further. 

Before his thoughts could continue, Hanji was suddenly crouched right in front of them, owl eyes staring without mercy and brimming with warning. He gasped, pulling back and banging his head against the wall in his fear and surprise, whimpering. Her hand moved towards his face, slow, fingers coiled like a snakes, dangerous and unpredictable. But she did not strike, how he feared she would; their plan with Bertholdt, after all, was to trick him into false security and twist him so that he'd believe he was innocent, and pry the enemies information from his. Only then, would he become true subject to the plans she held for him. 

So, instead, she merely touched his cheek, letting her nails graze his dirty cheeks. He did not whimper this time, only stiffened and watched her hand from the corner of his eyes. She curled her nail, gently, against the skin so that it grazed as if trying to tear into him. 

“You sweat quite a lot,” she observed, and Bertholdt finally realized that that was what she had been inspecting on his face. “It reminds me of how your titan form was reported to have had steam bursting from muscle,” she further mused.

Bertholdt stayed silent, turning his eyes away from the Major.

“Both are related to heat, the sweat and steam-it makes me wonder if your natural body heat of a human is above average.” She paused, waiting for a response or reaction. Bertholdt, feeling that she wouldn't continue until he replied, gave in and shrugged.

“...I don't know. I've never thought about that,” he whispered. That was a lie. He knew very well that his body temperature was well above a normal persons; it was because his titan form was so large, required so much more energy than a regular one, that he produced this needed heat and energy continuously. It was too much, honestly, but it came in use when he transformed, and it acted as a defense mechanism: when he was in form, he was slowly and awkward, such as he always was as a human. So the steam would explode from underneath the exposed muscle, spraying boiling heat, making it dangerous to be around him; his skin, too, was like fire to the bare touch. And when he needed to escape his form, the steam allowed him to disintegrate with incredible speed. The build-up of the steam, at that point, would hide him long enough so that he could make a swift escape, if the environment allowed it. 

So despite being a slow, hulking beast the would otherwise be extremely defenseless and an easy kill, his natural body heat was vital to survival. It was the same way with Reiner's form; though it was indeed faster than the 60 meter titan, it was still slow. But it's armor provided it with incredible resistance against canons, guns, blades, and other titans as well. Annie's form was fast, and though seeming exposed, had the ability to harden it's skin; offense was a forte for her, too, her body being agile and proportioned enough so that she could put hand-to-hand combat to quick, effective use. 

Even Eren's titan could fight properly with results. His was strong, and though not the fastest, fast enough. Not to mention the ability he had discovered shortly before the trio of shifters found themselves captured...The ability to control other titans, and it was his. A loose canon with a power like that meant only trouble.

Ymir's, too, though small at the height of 7 meters, was the fastest of them all, and not such a bad fighter. 

His thoughts were rudely snatched from the front of his memory as Hanji let the trailing finger snake down to his skin, tilting it up so that he would be forced to look at her. He wondered if the lie could be seen from his eyes, having been thinking about it for too long, now darting his sight around the room, trying to look at anywhere other than her.

But she didn't scold nor tell him that she thought he was lying, and instead rolled out the same conclusion of the heat being a defense mechanism that he knew to be true. He could only stare in surprise and wonder, questioning how she had come to such a thing, fear knotting through his stomach and chest.

“Simple deduction. You're big and slow, so something needs to protect you.”

“I-I see...”

“Mmm...” She finally let go of his chin, amused at how quickly he went to pull it back down, head ducking like a little boy. He hardly appeared to be anything comparable to a monster, a killer, much less the tallest titan known to mankind. “It's hard to believe,” she started, “that before me, sits and cowers the titan mostly responsible for the death of 1/5 of our population.”

His eyes went wide, seeming as if they had glossed over in the act of wanting to cry, unable to find a reply. He didn't like to think about that; he used to, and he used to feel proud, but his mind had been poisoned. 

Hanji continued. “It's so hard to believe that we have you, the grand Colossal Titan, feared by all as a merciless beast, so easily locked away. You've hardly put up a fight. Of the other two, the Armored and Female Type, you present yourself as the weakest in the human form. In a matter of seconds, those gates were destroyed by your own foot, but you haven't even raised a hand against me.”

She stopped, pausing as if waiting for a reply, but kept going before Bertholdt could form any thoughts.

“For five years, Bertholdt, you mingled with our kind and evaded almost all suspicion to the very end. You were quiet, and kind, and everyone respected you. Armin considered you a close friend. The Commander thought you, even if admittedly weak willed, a wonderful soldier and fighter.”

At some point of her talking, Bertholdt had raised his hands up to his head, clutching the sides and shying away from her, some sort of panic arising into his huddled form, his breath quick and unsure. When he began to speak, he didn't think about it, the words spewing pathetically and rushed.

“I—I regret so much, though--!” He glances up at her with sense of urgency, but her expression remains unmoved and unconvinced. “When I did it the first time, I wanted it! It was my goal, what I was told to do!” Still, Hanji didn't appear moved, and if anything only seemed more disgusted.

“But when I joined the army, people were so nice to me! We weren't supposed to mingle, but Reiner and I—We couldn't just rudely shove people off the way Annie did, so we became attached...A-and we doubted our mission...Reiner, he was the first...” He hiccuped, only adding to how ridiculous his lanky huddled form looked, like a giant toddler.

“H-he began to chose...To forget what we were..He knew what he was, but he forgot the mission—he began to believe that we were there to protect them, rather than d-destroy...He wouldn't even..Take down the second gate when I-I broke the gate..To Trost...We could have d,done it, so easily...” His body shivered, head hanging into his knees.

“So many..Of 104...I wasn't supposed to care about them, b-but I did...It's easier for Reiner, sometimes, b-because he can lie to himself..But it hurts him to remember...”

Hanji had never heard him talk this much, had never seen such confliction and self-hatred; even compared to the breakdown that they had walked in that Reiner was having wasn't like this. Reiner had given himself a loose screw, actually convinced he was the good guy, on their side. The forced realization from Levi had at one point broken his will, but the visit from Annie sparked a new life into him, giving him the air of a man they had yet to actually meet.

But, Bertholdt...His visit from Annie seemed to only hurt him more. He was unhappy, angry, and depressed. Lost, torn, devastated. 

She almost felt bad for him.

“...I believe you, Bertholdt. I believe the two of you felt guilt and regret. But that's not enough. Regret doesn't make something like this go away; you will never find forgiveness for feeling a little guilty.”

“Th-then where will I find it?!” He cried back, desperation leaping like fire around his words, scalding them warm.

“You never will.”

This seemed to stun him into a silent submission, his form dropping like a kicked dog against the wall once more. His eyes glistened, but he did not cry; he sniffled, fighting off a childish crying fit, face growing slack. 

“...I don't feel like talking anymore.”


	8. Stain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont have the motivation or mental health to properly finish this, so have a shitty, rushed ending 
> 
> the newly added tags are the trigger warnings for this
> 
> thank you for all of the support <3 im actually somewhat happy with the story overall, in it's unbeta'd unedited glory
> 
> perhaps one day i'll return to this story and rewrite it...

It had been disturbing even when he was simply still, seeming dead and unresponsive; that anyone could just shut down so quickly was startling, and left many of the guards uneasy. Trying to stare into the eyes of a man that could have passed for dead would leave them all unsettled, itching to get off of shift so that they could return to training instead to fight the feral titans. Because even that would be better than guarding the enclosure of the armored titan, right?

But now, he was alive and filled with some type of purposed fury, which was even worse than when he acted like a dead man. He watched them as they watched him, all of their eyes glinting with terrible resentment; but unlike Reiner, their eyes were filled with fear. Even though he had been packed and sealed behind chains and bars, they were still terrified that he may strike out and devour them. 

The days discomfort came to a quickly, thankful ease as Hanji made her arrival. She told them that they could leave, and she'd fetch them when the time came. There was no argument or worry for her being left alone to deal with the hulking man, each of the scouting members making quick escape. Hanji watched them, with amusement, that they were so eager to get away from someone who could barely twitch his hands anymore. But no matter-it was time to make changes. The more they sit, waiting and doing nothing, the more absolutely nothing got done. Annie had set something in motion, earlier on-both of the boys had had some kind of change, mentally. Where Bertholdt had become disturbed and upset, Reiner had awoken like a new man.

It was like they were planning something, the nature of which Hanji was unable to determine, but the probability of was a tad ridiculous-there was nothing that any of them could do. Transform down here, and it wouldn't go right at all. Run, and thirty or so men would instantly be on your tail. Fight, and you'd be slammed down and sedated before you could even blink.

The resources used on them made everyone evident that the entire situation was serious; of course it was. But it needed to be treated as so, more than it was. The downfall to that? Everyone was on serious edge and unhappy to be around the shifters. The time not spent with the trio plus Ymir was spent on Eren and his newfound power-when not him, the titans in the wall.

It was busy and exhausting.

It was not an option.

Hanji entered Reiner's cell. 

Eyes that gleamed amber in the light of the candle fire, alight with their own personal glare, greeted her. Cold. Would unattached be the right description, or would that take it too far? He had woken from his own personal-detachment, reconnecting, but may as well have pulled away from human connection all the same.

“Reiner,” she greeted, coming to stand in front of him. He had to cock his head much higher to gaze at her face, but his expression remained all the same. 

“Major Hanji Zoe,” he replied, much to her surprise. The words were tainted with coldness. They even sounded unforgiving. How cute.

“I've come to release you of your chains.” This stirred interest to him-he tensed, considered her words, before allowing his body to fall relaxed. He did not reply. 

“Know, Reiner, should you attempt to attack me, you're weak enough that I could easily overpower you.” He nodded, agreeing. “ I'm going to do the same that I did with Bertholdt-a mask over your face so that you don't bite yourself. You'll get used to it-you can easily pour the soup we feed you through the bars.”

Still no response. 

“Your hands will be free, as well.”

In silent response, he lifted his arms from his back as much as he could, hands fluttering limply in his readiness. Hanji only gave the slightest of a laugh, praising his giving in to show his eagerness. She pulled out a small silver key, first unlocking the chains that kept him to the wall.

 

“Do you have any regret, Annie?” 

“No.”

“Don't you remember their screams? The people, as they died without telling their loved ones goodbye?”

“...Yes.”

“That many titans never hung around that spot.”

“....”

“You called them, didn't you? No, don't answer, I already know it to be true. In a minute, you could have them swarming towards you from miles away. Even the usually slow, more docile-what a disgusting word to use for them-would come sprinting.”

“....” 

Her head had long since dipped away from his unwavering stare. She could not look at him-if she did, it'd be like staring into the sun while it was only an inch away. The presence had already burned and charred and disintegrated her. 

In fact, his ability to have shut her down disappointed the Corporal-had she just not been a fighting bitch, spouting out words of encourgement to Bertholdt and Reiner, of which even brought the dead man back to life? And now, she wouldn't utter a word. Now, she seemed defeated. Lost, even-and he had come here with the intent to painfully drag her into a depression the same way he had Reiner. But if she was already halfway there, then there wouldn't be so much fun. 

“You are weak. Pathetic. You act like you've got some grand take on us, like you're ahead of the game. You act like you've got a big secret to hide behind, but there is nothing. Here, Leonhardt, we will strip you of your defenses; your skin, your muscle, the marrow in your bones.” To his surprise-and disgust, still-he saw a stream of tears beginning down her face, rapidly.  
Levi sneered, lifting her chin up so that her weeping blue eyes met his.

“What is it that you intend, Leonhardt? What did you do to Reiner? To Bertholdt?”

Her mouth flitted, Levi's confusion only intensifying as she smiled, past her tears and pained mind. Her voice was still as ever; bored, as it used to be. The boredom thinly veiled fear.

“What do I intend, Corporal...?”

 

There was a click, a clatter, the echo, and then silence.

So he really was all alone; no one came running to see what was happening.

He couldn't believe it was happening, already. But he could feel it happening to the others, and knew that it was time. He couldn't back out.

 

As she allowed Reiner to stand, Hanji revealed the mask that she intended to use to cover his face: small, silver, metal bands made to fit around his head. There was a point that they connected, needing a key to lock and unlock.

One hand went to placing the plate against his mouth, to which he did not resist. The other went to her pocket, digging to locate the key designated to the mask. The same key worked on Bertholdt's-they would share the same mask.

Reiner felt it in his gut. It came in without warning, but he did not flinch, still. He was ready, he was prepared to do what he must. At least with his death, he would find the inviting embrace of death, where just maybe, his deeds would be met with the beauty that he told they held. 

“...Where is the key?” Hanji muttered, coming up empty handed. A few moments passed, and she found that she could suddenly feel something in the air. Something was not right; everything was about to go wrong. It was not intuition; it was not anxiety. The walls whispered secrets, unable to lie.

She left the cell, not bothering to close the door behind her. She sped past the guards, hoping that they'd understand to go back to their watch.

But they did not. Instead, they followed behind her, taking note that they were headed to where Bertholdt was being kept.

 

“You see me as a monster, Levi. You see us as trash. Unworthy vermin that crawled into your basement, causing more trouble than worth.”

He did not argue, watching her curiously. Had he read her correctly to begin with? Was he wrong to assume that her shell had been stripped away, or was she merely beginning to pull another facade that she had the upper hand?  
He couldn't help it. He no longer felt in control.

The air was tainted, and it tasted like poison, making him feel dizzy in the head. Something was not right. His hand trailed to the blade at his hip, gripping it with uncertainty. 

“There is so much more than you understand. So much more than you will ever begin to hope to understand; as much as you want to know, as far as you go to pry it from our bleeding hands...You won't learn. I'd love to tell you. I'd love to see you fall to your knees and shatter under information that you can't even begin to handle. But that would just be too much. I'm no monster.”

 

He was not alone, as he had hoped to be.

Or did he hope to be alone? He could feel the lifeforces of Annie and Reiner, but it was not the same as having no witnesses. He wanted a goodbye, but knew well enough that this was a world that did not favor farewells. 

Even with no one there, he would have done it.

He felt both terror and relief as Armin came into his line of sight, as he pressed against the bars, shouting at Bertholdt to stop.

Bertholdt paused, putting only the smallest pressure over his thumb, between his teeth.

“Bertholdt, don't do it. Don't shift! You'll collapse the tunnels, kill everyone down here and above!” He cried desperately, shaking hands trying to grab the key to his cell.

“Stay back, Armin. It won't be so bad. Death, I mean. I'm scared, but it will be okay.”He eased quietly, from behind the flesh kept. He wasn't going to do it right at the moment-he was waiting for his cue. 

A second later, and Hanji was in the room, staring with wide-eyed horror at Bertholdt. Upon noticing the group of guards that followed her, she didn't bother to express explicit distress. She found herself next to Armin, who had seized up, stopping the search for his key.

“Bertholdt,” she whispered, “You stole the key.”

“You didn't even notice.”

 

It was time. 

Reiner had let the metal plate clatter to the ground, it's noise creating no echo. It was too loud. Or maybe it did echo, his head not letting him hear it with false chatter.

He rammed against the wall, forcing the noise away, though it only enveloped him more, driving him angrily multiple times, until the contact of the metal cuffs to the wall was enough to shatter them. He barely felt the pain of the metal shards digging into his skin.

With nothing left to lose, he found his hands on the chains that once held his head still, suffocating him. With free hands, he was easily able to slip it over his head, onto his neck. It wouldn't take much for the constraining chains to snap his neck.

Now, he just had to wait for the cue.

 

She shattered at his feet, the way he thought he had wanted her to.

Small, tinted-blue crystals, scattered over his feet. They would not disappear, the way her encasing crystal had.

There was no way he could have stopped her-once it had begun, it was over.

She formed another crystal. But it wasn't like the others, that covered her skin and kept her from harm. This crystal was inside of her, instantly destroying anything that made her human, overtaking her body and transforming her.

With the fragility of glass, it fell apart.

 

He felt the first bond shatter-quite literally-and began to cry.

The pressure over his thumb increased.

“Why do you have to do this, Bertholdt?” Armin whispered, his voice revealing that he was not ready to die.

“Haven't I said it before? Someone has to stain their hands with blood...It just has to be me.”

 

When it happened, Reiner wanted to waste no time.

He felt her lifeforce leave, and knew it was his turn.

He lunged forward, no holding back.

Death was instant as his neck snapped.

 

Suffocation. Heat. He got to glimpse the light once more as 20 meters of the 60 burst above the ground, the light filling his eyes with blinding pain and redemption for not even an entire instant. It was the half instant that brought death, where he came to realize that the moments of dying was enough to say goodbye-not outloud, but enough in your mind that peace can be brought.

The command was sent to his mouth to smile, but it never made it-had he even seen the sunlight, the tunnels collapsing under him, or was he already dead, seeing the light of the tunnel they so eagerly said to search for?

Bertholdt was alive only long enough to form his titan and let it burst through; the body couldn't stop growing, even as he was killed under the pressure. But the instant it reached the capacity to which the energy given allowed it to grow, it began to fall apart.

Hanji Zoe, Armin Arlert, and all of the guards were burned alive to dust from the heat of Bertholdt's body.

The rupture of pressure caused the entire tunnel system to collapse-Ymir, Levi, and everyone else in there met fate of their heads burst by rock. Brain matter and guts were lost in darkness and dust.

Everyone and everything above the tunnels fell-40 meters down. Many of the scouting legion members were caught in the through, though some lucky like Mikasa and Jean happened to have been away, being spared the fate of death, and instead damned to know of those killed underground, and those killed by the fall-Eren, Erwin. 

It was on this day, that humanity was given a reminder more grim than the last. There was not enough hope nor power to beat the titans, and the attempts were futile.

That wasn't to say they shouldn't try, but that no matter how much they accomplish, there was always cross-retaliation. 

Even in the most desperate of wars, desperation was not powerful enough to overcome the perceived enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and there you have the shittiest ending known to mankind
> 
> thanks for staying on the ride!


End file.
